2) Being afraid of commitment because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Some people keep their options open because they want to shag around, they think there’s plenty of fish in the sea, and they also worry that someone who perfectly meets their criteria may be out there somewhere and are afraid of ‘settling’.
You’re committing to courtesy and you’re also committing to removing ambiguity about stuff like ‘Am I the only person they’re sleeping with?
’ And here is the big question: Do you want to perpetuate the very behaviour that drives you insane when you’re on the receiving end of it?
Couldn’t you ‘experiment’ with one person for a few dates, see how it goes, and then move on? Do the people who you are dating know that you’re potentially wasting their time? As people no matter what they tell you, don’t always date for the same reasons, dating someone and getting to know them will let you determine through their actions and interactions (not just words and your imagination) whether you are two people on the same page with similar primary values.
Who said you have to go straight to a relationship? A couple of weeks ago I wrote about why dating is a discovery phase for fact finding.
However, "rotations allow you to date other people at the same time, giving you some perspective on the dating process," relationship expert April Masini told Refinery29.
While it's long been accepted that men "play the field," it's not something that seems to be talked about as much by women.Next thing you know, even though you that you’re not interested, you’ve got the stress of various guys you have half-hearted interest in, lurking around.Then you think back to when you’ve been messed around by some guy, remember how you felt and tell yourself you don’t want to make someone feel like that, but these guys, who some of them will be just as emotionally unavailable, will be pursuing you because not doing what they expect, so they’ll take a while to take the hint.Much of the stuff about multiple dating will be very familiar to you if you have ever been on the receiving end of the flip flapping, hedge sitting, keeping you on ice guy that is Mr Unavailable.Ladies, I’m not saying don’t have fun but I am saying to be careful of not only living a double standard but dragging out a cycle of being emotionally unavailable and commitment resistant.But, is it just me that wonders what happened to dating one person at a time? What is this whole ‘But what if he’s not the one and I’m missing out on one of the other guys that could be? However, you are making a rather large rod for your own back because unless you have hide of a rhino and don’t really care about how other people feel, it can get pretty damn messy with the whole multiple dating thing.’ Are you supposed to know if someone is the one on the first few dates? If you’re keeping your options open and sitting on the fence dating several people, how can you be emotionally available enough to get to know these people and determine whether you can date one? If you’re someone who has had a pattern of being involved with, for instance, emotionally unavailable men or assclowns, or has a penchant for getting carried away with illusionary relationships, multiple dating is heartbreak, ambiguity, and confusion on acid.You may even have to do no contact or get medieval on them!If things don’t go according to plan with the one you got fixated on, you’ll start to get nostalgic about one or some of the other guys and restart contact all over again giving off mixed signals.But equally, keeping your options open is about being non-commital and this is the mainstay of being emotionally unavailable and creating limited experiences that keep you ‘safe’ in a self-fulfilling prophecy bubble. Feeling like you have choices may convince you that you have more choices than you have and trap you indecision!What I found particularly prevalent though with each person who multiple dates is that they enjoy getting lots of attention from various different sources which helps them get a level of validation that they’re seeking. Here’s the trouble: I’m not suggesting that you be a nun or ‘commit’ to a relationship with a virtual stranger, although ladies, let’s be real, many of you committed to virtual strangers but told yourselves that you knew more!