When you become a widower, it chases away all you thought life was going to be.
Never allowing themselves to become comfortable, you typically have no idea the things that lie underneath their smile. Just 34, we had four small children, and the youngest was only 12-months-old.
No matter what age you lose your significant other, if your spouse leaves you before you leave this earth, there is always a feeling that something is amiss. I don’t know what was worse, the anticipation on the way home of having the talk with them, or the look on their faces, especially my 12-year-old, who had just lost his best friend when I told them.
It also strips from you the feeling of permanence or self-identification.
For ten years I had been Julie Barth, then I hadn’t a clue who I was. Just like a child who has been maltreated or left, a widower often has abandonment issues clouding their ability to reason through the complexity of a relationship.
If they fall for you, they will be terrified that you will be gone too. When you go through tremendously stressful times, your body releases a chemical called adrenaline.
If you are ten minutes late, it is just ten minutes to you, but to someone who is immersed in fear and anxiety, their head has already pictured you lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Responsible for the fight or flight in our species, it is that feeling you get that makes you need to react.
That leaves them with a whole shitload of anger and nowhere to place it.
Like a cup filling over, you may become the recipient of it, and it is very hard to reign it in once it is let out.
Needing a place to displace their anger, it is not unusual for them to explode on the people they love most and trust.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on the way you look at it; that may be you.