Find a homeless person that fits your size, and then pay them some money to hand over their jeans which should be in a pretty poor state.
Wear the jeans, along with a pair of second hand boots purchased from Marktplaats (the Dutch Ebay) and for the rest of the outfit follow the example of Dutch women.
Take a salad strainer or colander, put this over your head and then turn on the tap for 30 seconds.
Leave your hair wet, then put on a heavy metal song and shake your head in time to the selected track for another three minutes.
The Dutchman’s love of money will make him check every item on the bill several times and then with the speed of a supercomputer calculate precisely how much your portion of the bill will be.“You had the White Wine that’s five euros, we had bitterballen to start, there were six but you had four which means that you need to pay 2.37.”If you wish to get into a Dutchman’s heart you need to accept that there are three of you in the relationship, him, you and his money which he will cling onto like a Gold Digger to a footballer.
When he presents you with your portion of the bill, smile gracefully and pay your share as if this is the most normal thing in the world.Calling Mr Goodman.” She tried this several times and then in exasperation she said to me “wow, a Goodman really is hard to find.”This brings me to the topic of today’s post.Think of Ahab’s quest for Moby Dick, John Ford chasing the elephant, Wile E Coyote’s hopeless pursuit of the Road Runner or Tom’s obsessive and hazardous campaign to capture Jerry.I recently had to go to the Marriott Hotel to collect a colleague who was visiting from the US, Dave Goodman and take him to our office in Amstelveen.He was supposed to be meeting me in the reception area but wasn’t there.Expat women have also been known to visit hairdressers more than twice a year and they are also not strangers to wearing makeup.This can make the skittish and highly sensitive Dutchman extremely nervous.When going on a first date with a Dutchman, the Shallow Man’s first piece of advice is to not react in shock, disgust or reach for the sunglasses if, as is highly probable, he turns up wearing a pair of bright red jeans.This is considered by many Dutch men to be the height of chic and elegance.A well dressed woman with styled hair and makeup might be after the thing he values most, his money.To stand a chance with a Dutchman, my advice is to take a flight to London.